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Amaze Your Friends with Captivating Conversation!

It doesn’t matter if you are a guest at a Thanksgiving or Christmas party or even next summer when attending a Happy USA 250th Birthday Party on July 4th. It boils down to this: there is never a bad time to impress your friends with undeniable knowledge and a great vocabulary. Here are some choice topics you should work into the conversation.

Regarding your in-ground swimming pool.

“I averted a problematic algae issue recently. My hypochlorous acid was precariously low because my sodium chloride level dropped below acceptable parameters, effectively minimizing synthesis of needed sanitizer via electrolysis.”

Translated, the chlorine generator wasn’t working properly because there wasn’t enough salt in the pool water. A chlorine generator electronically breaks the salt compound down to sodium and chloride ions, and through an electronic process, generates chlorine.

You could choose either verbal story option, but I would go with the first one. Your friends will be more impressed. I’m sure.

If someone brings up their above ground pool, here’s your opening!

“I recently helped my Uncle Joe avoid a sticky wicket due to his False Level Impression.” He called and asked if I could check out the work he had done so far and offer my expertise on whether to proceed as-is with his self-installation. So, I grabbed my trusty transit and headed to his place. Arriving, I knew immediately he had a problem. The pool was being built into a hillside, and while he had removed a lot of dirt, there was much more to do. He had become a victim of False Level Impression.

When an above ground pool is going into a hillside, the already excavated area will often look level due to the unexcavated ground running farther uphill. Simply put, it’s an optical illusion. When I first observed his work with my experienced, keen eyes, I told him he was still about three inches out of grade. I set up my transit, shot the grade, and was shocked to find I was off, and he actually had six more inches to remove on the hillside excavation, not my estimate of three inches. I checked to make sure I hadn’t bumped my transit but it was properly set. Hmm. Maybe I need new glasses. Anyway, when excavating into a hillside, properly leveled ground will look too low as it runs toward the remaining hillside. The fact is that a tool must be used to get the level right. Eyesight alone won’t be good enough.

When he started talking about getting the shovels out, I realized I was late for my dog’s obedience class and left. He said he didn’t know I had a dog. I explained I just got him the day before. I loaned him the transit so he could finish the work. Which reminds me, he hasn’t returned it yet. And as for that sticky wicket reference, it pertains to a British sport called cricket. We don’t play it here and I don’t really know much about it but I don’t care. It sounds cool though, and if someone asks what it means, just tell them it’s a Brit thing and that it would be too complicated for them to understand, then quickly move on.

Two months later…

Uncle Joe called me again. He had completed the pool installation shortly after my visit where I rescued him from having a pool that wasn’t going to be level. He told me he had some issues with cloudy water and asked me to stop by and enlighten him to what was causing the problem. Naturally, I agreed and was soon in his backyard. The pool water was most definitely cloudy as I was unable to see down more than a foot. When asked if he had experienced any algae issues, he told me he had, but that he had killed it with a massive liquid chlorine shock treatment. I walked to his filtration system and examined his components. I immediately knew what the issue was. “Uncle Joe, you have a filtration issue due to your sand filter’s shortcomings. Specifically, the exploded algae cells are too microscopic to be effectively removed. Your new sand filter only captures particles around forty microns or larger. The smaller stuff passes straight through the sand and goes back into the pool. You are going to need clarifiers and filtering aids to get the water right again.”

Personally, I wish he had called before selecting the sand filter as his system of choice. I would have recommended a high efficiency Black Diamond Cartridge filter. It captures small particles sand can’t effectively remove, eliminating exploded cells as small as only eight to ten microns in size. And when the filter gets dirty from being good at what it does, just remove it, hose it off, and put it back in the filter tank. Conversely, a sand filter must be backwashed when dirty. Over the summer, this amounts to flushing hundreds of gallons of water and precious chemicals out onto the ground.

I felt great as I drove home, knowing I had explained his cloudy water satisfactorily. Then I remembered I had forgotten to ask for my transit. Darn.

When going to a party during swim season, be proactive!

If you know the host has a pool, take your water test kit with you! You’ll be the star of the get together. They will appreciate your unsolicited analysis of their pool water. And don’t wait for them to ask you to do it. Just jump right in and get to work.

“It’s highly important to keep all your levels in their accepted ranges. Without doing so, you can have algae issues, burning eyes, scaling, excessive swimsuit fading, and skyrocketing expenses for corrective actions.”

Man, are they going to love you for bringing all of this to their attention during the party or what! Your further twenty-minutes discussion on how to balance the water properly will be appreciated by everyone within range of your voice. Maybe even those that might migrate to the opposite side of the yard. Just talk a little louder. It would be too bad if they miss out because they may never understand that you have more than chlorine that needs checked. There’s pH and total alkalinity levels to consider. In their proper ranges, they help maximize chlorine efficiency and minimize damage to liners or plaster, and accessory components. And of course, a cyanuric acid test is of prime importance. It’s a chlorine life giver. Don’t forget about calcium levels. Calcium serves as a buffer against scaling and helps prevent cloudy water.

I’m telling you; the host and everyone in attendance will appreciate your wealth of knowledge and your suggestion that it might be a little more complicated than they can grasp. Just direct them to Eastgate Pools & Spas and let their water professionals do the analysis for them.

The perfect party.

Simply put, it’s the one where you can get all these topics into a prolonged discussion. Your host will thank you and when you leave, you’ll be able to hear their cheers of joy as you drive away. You can bet they’ll invite you back next year. Guaranteed.